We have no idea what will be the dominant form of life on this planet 100 million years from now. What we do know with some certainty is that we were not the dominant form of life 100 million years ago.
The nature of the processes of evolution is still hidden from us. The reality of genetics - that genes are hyper-responsive to the environment, and that even subtle changes effect instantaneous genetic responses - is still not understood. We have yet to recognize the simple fact that we are functions of a wider system, rather than somehow unique from the whole. Our time of ascendancy can either be productive or not. Either we will endure, or we will not.
Other species are already evolving around us, in response to us and our significant impact on this planet's biosphere. We have influenced every level of the planetary balance, and not all of the mistakes are of necessity as bad as some might make them out to be. We swim in a veritable effluvium of our own filth and by-product, surrounded always by toxins, hydrocarbons and waste products. We have learned how to manufacture pollutants of astonishing voracity and venom. But even through our errors we are learning other arts. Terraforming may depend in large measure upon our negative results as much as it does upon positive research. Carbon dioxide emissions may one day be essential in making Mars a habitable planet. And if there is one thing humanity will very soon need, it is another habitable planet.
Our pollutants impact this world heavily, and we have no way of knowing for certain what is already growing beneath our feet. A bipedal race of highly intelligent rats may have evolved deep in our city sewers without our knowledge. We welcome pollutants far more than we admit, and always have, and it is in the nature of such things that genetic mutation will inevitably result. Humans long ago invented consumable alcohol (or discovered it, really) and this is of course a poison. Humans learned the smoking of opium and tobacco and marijuana. They learned to consume hallucinogenic plants and in time we learned further alchemical things, like the synthesis of complex compounds with which to spray our lawns and sheathe our homes and "freshen" our air. We create emissions and by-products and viscous fluids with reckless glee. Humans are more easily controlled by vices than they are guided by virtues.
If we do not survive, we will surely perish, and by "survive" it is meant, we must break new frontiers.
Let us look at the alternative to the breaking of new frontiers. Our species will fall again to vast war and internecine conflict and continual revolution. Population alone insures this, as does the gradual degradation of the environment and the critical pollution of ground and drinking water sources, chemical infusion of the soil and vaporous invasion of the atmosphere. Less food and less water will be available. We must break ground or we will be broken down into it. If we do not discover or learn how to inhabit new worlds, our path will be toward self-destruction and extinction, rather than exploration, growth and change. If we fail in this great trial, other animal species are already waiting in the wings to take our place as the dominant lifeforms of the planet earth, and it will fall to them to fulfill the great mission of off-world colonization. For what it's worth, here are the Vicar's top picks for global dominance in the absence of humanity, in no particular reverse alphabetical order:
1.) Raccoon
This is not a joke. The Raccoon is on point to take control of our planet in the absence of our species. They may even one day war against the bastardized remnants of humanity as we shuffle off into the darkness eternal. Even if Raccoon warriors of that far-flung future war regard fearfully our descendants as twisted Gods, they will still prevail because of their ingenuity and courage.
The Vicar honestly does not want this to become an exercise in furry porn - at least in the imaginations of some - but he also knows it is too late for that caveat, anyway. Truth is truth, despite the unpleasant side effects that sometimes develop.
Consider the Raccoon with some seriousness, however, and we can already see the signs of genuine evolution toward an animal form capable of building tools, gathering and refining resources, and developing stabilized food supplies. Also, the Vicar and one of his acolytes once did battle with an entire army of Raccoon who had their base beneath a Midwestern farmhouse, and we barely escaped with our lives - and that only with the help of all mighty God and a brace of steel-toed boots.
The Raccoon has hands. He stands upright at times, and he is visibly an intelligent and determined fellow. He already gleefully works us on every level, eating our discarded food and making use of our unused spaces for shelter and conclave. He observes us, watching our habits and rituals, and learning our language. Believe what you will, but this animal has our number, and is just waiting for us to make the Big Mistake.
Raccoon are also "cute" and this is more important than you might expect. Cuteness is a property of similitude in most cases, as in a thing being reminiscent of something we already are hard-wired to appreciate and like. Babies, for instance, encourage positive feelings in many people. Consider how Raccoon babies make you feel:
Enough said.
2.) Octopus
The Octopus is a dangerous animal. In large size, it can kill a human diver, and in giant form, it can give rise to a whole corpus of myth. Let none of us forget this:
Also, we are creeped-out by creatures with multiple appendages, and particularly so when the appendages in question are wibbly-wobbly and rubbery. This creature may make for exciting sushi, but it can also open a jar in order to get at the food inside, implying a level of cognitive development that should give us pause. The Octopus is hardly cute (other than to real freaks) but it also hardly needs to be. They have been reported to leave the water in the darkness in laboratory conditions and cross to tanks containing their food source.
As the Octopus works to operate more efficiently on land and to develop tool use, it is evolving in the direction of global dominance. There are subtle hints of this in many animals, but the Octopus is one of the more frightening potential opponents in the game of survival. It is a predator, fitted with a cruel beak and powerful tentacles. Also, it is creepy, which the Vicar may have mentioned before but it bears repeating.
3.) Meerkat
These are cunning strategists who live in a clear social organization and utilize tactics to insure successful hunting and the security of their collective. They build complicated burrows and they can stand on two legs. Their paws are nothing to sneeze at, either.
They lack a developing thumb and do not have as much interaction with humans as the somewhat more refined Raccoon, but these very factors may give them a wild edge in coming conflicts with other up-and-coming evolutionary contenders. The Meerkat people will be a proud species, indeed.
We could go on, including obvious choices like the Dolphin or the Chimpanzee - with my money firmly on the Bonobo in that fight - or long shots like the Lobster, Kangaroo or the Piranha. We could concern ourselves overmuch with a certain air of silliness with respect to this latest posting. We could also look for hints and clues of prophecy, coded messages and secret symbols.
Or we could also focus on getting out and about in the cosmos at large, where precisely these kinds of animals - and others undreamed of - have risen to prominence on other worlds. And we cannot stop to consider that the geneticists already exist who are researching and have made secret advancements in the weaponization of animals and the blending of animal and human traits. Early work with dolphins trained to find lost torpedoes and sea mines was only the beginning. The only evidence of these extremely secret projects is right before our eyes, as escapees from the programs are sometimes spotted and dismissed as hoax, cryptozoological myth and local legend.
Such ideas are not so far-fetched, and we would do well to remember that no one has the slightest idea what a Chupacabra is because we can't even catch one.
But what you really need to look out for are the Drop Bears. They hide in the trees... And then they drop.
Be mindful.
--- The Vicar
The nature of the processes of evolution is still hidden from us. The reality of genetics - that genes are hyper-responsive to the environment, and that even subtle changes effect instantaneous genetic responses - is still not understood. We have yet to recognize the simple fact that we are functions of a wider system, rather than somehow unique from the whole. Our time of ascendancy can either be productive or not. Either we will endure, or we will not.
Other species are already evolving around us, in response to us and our significant impact on this planet's biosphere. We have influenced every level of the planetary balance, and not all of the mistakes are of necessity as bad as some might make them out to be. We swim in a veritable effluvium of our own filth and by-product, surrounded always by toxins, hydrocarbons and waste products. We have learned how to manufacture pollutants of astonishing voracity and venom. But even through our errors we are learning other arts. Terraforming may depend in large measure upon our negative results as much as it does upon positive research. Carbon dioxide emissions may one day be essential in making Mars a habitable planet. And if there is one thing humanity will very soon need, it is another habitable planet.
Our pollutants impact this world heavily, and we have no way of knowing for certain what is already growing beneath our feet. A bipedal race of highly intelligent rats may have evolved deep in our city sewers without our knowledge. We welcome pollutants far more than we admit, and always have, and it is in the nature of such things that genetic mutation will inevitably result. Humans long ago invented consumable alcohol (or discovered it, really) and this is of course a poison. Humans learned the smoking of opium and tobacco and marijuana. They learned to consume hallucinogenic plants and in time we learned further alchemical things, like the synthesis of complex compounds with which to spray our lawns and sheathe our homes and "freshen" our air. We create emissions and by-products and viscous fluids with reckless glee. Humans are more easily controlled by vices than they are guided by virtues.
 |
| Yes, they really do this. |
Let us look at the alternative to the breaking of new frontiers. Our species will fall again to vast war and internecine conflict and continual revolution. Population alone insures this, as does the gradual degradation of the environment and the critical pollution of ground and drinking water sources, chemical infusion of the soil and vaporous invasion of the atmosphere. Less food and less water will be available. We must break ground or we will be broken down into it. If we do not discover or learn how to inhabit new worlds, our path will be toward self-destruction and extinction, rather than exploration, growth and change. If we fail in this great trial, other animal species are already waiting in the wings to take our place as the dominant lifeforms of the planet earth, and it will fall to them to fulfill the great mission of off-world colonization. For what it's worth, here are the Vicar's top picks for global dominance in the absence of humanity, in no particular reverse alphabetical order:
1.) Raccoon
This is not a joke. The Raccoon is on point to take control of our planet in the absence of our species. They may even one day war against the bastardized remnants of humanity as we shuffle off into the darkness eternal. Even if Raccoon warriors of that far-flung future war regard fearfully our descendants as twisted Gods, they will still prevail because of their ingenuity and courage.
 |
| This animal is not effing around. |
Consider the Raccoon with some seriousness, however, and we can already see the signs of genuine evolution toward an animal form capable of building tools, gathering and refining resources, and developing stabilized food supplies. Also, the Vicar and one of his acolytes once did battle with an entire army of Raccoon who had their base beneath a Midwestern farmhouse, and we barely escaped with our lives - and that only with the help of all mighty God and a brace of steel-toed boots.
 |
| Yes, they really do this. |
 |
| This is so close to being a proper hand, maybe we should exterminate them all right now and head them off at the pass... |
2.) Octopus
The Octopus is a dangerous animal. In large size, it can kill a human diver, and in giant form, it can give rise to a whole corpus of myth. Let none of us forget this:
Also, we are creeped-out by creatures with multiple appendages, and particularly so when the appendages in question are wibbly-wobbly and rubbery. This creature may make for exciting sushi, but it can also open a jar in order to get at the food inside, implying a level of cognitive development that should give us pause. The Octopus is hardly cute (other than to real freaks) but it also hardly needs to be. They have been reported to leave the water in the darkness in laboratory conditions and cross to tanks containing their food source.
 |
| Working on invading your territory. |
3.) Meerkat
These are cunning strategists who live in a clear social organization and utilize tactics to insure successful hunting and the security of their collective. They build complicated burrows and they can stand on two legs. Their paws are nothing to sneeze at, either.
They lack a developing thumb and do not have as much interaction with humans as the somewhat more refined Raccoon, but these very factors may give them a wild edge in coming conflicts with other up-and-coming evolutionary contenders. The Meerkat people will be a proud species, indeed.
 |
| Their intelligence may overcome the copious lack of opposable thumb material. |
Or we could also focus on getting out and about in the cosmos at large, where precisely these kinds of animals - and others undreamed of - have risen to prominence on other worlds. And we cannot stop to consider that the geneticists already exist who are researching and have made secret advancements in the weaponization of animals and the blending of animal and human traits. Early work with dolphins trained to find lost torpedoes and sea mines was only the beginning. The only evidence of these extremely secret projects is right before our eyes, as escapees from the programs are sometimes spotted and dismissed as hoax, cryptozoological myth and local legend.
Such ideas are not so far-fetched, and we would do well to remember that no one has the slightest idea what a Chupacabra is because we can't even catch one.
 |
| Kangaroo-monkey |
Be mindful.
--- The Vicar
You picked two of my fave species in terms of unnoticed possibilities for up and coming evolution which impinges largely on our own specie's interests!
ReplyDeleteI had a 'long term fiancee' back in my 20's whose father had a cold-saltwater aquarium (here in the SF Bay Area). The sea water around here is quite cold so he'd go get a bunch of critters and toss them in his tank. Of course after a few months all that would be left is one lone octopus. I observed everything you said, but additionally they are VERY emotional beings, their emotions are reflected in the changing color and texture of their skin. Fascinating and almost impossible to physically contain (creepy).
Mr. E (different guy ;) and i live in a fairly wooded area and i've said for years now that raccoons are next in line to do the dog/cat thing and domesticate themselves. Good Grief these things have the most epic fights! Interestingly, Mr. E discovered the best way to freak out an ornery coon - talk sweet talk to it. Seriously, around here a goofy smile and baby talk causes even the most irate, foul-mouthed raccoon to turn tail and vacate. Beating a louisville slugger on the house's foundation, banging pots and pans, turning on the hose full force - these just add fuel to the fire.
But they just cannot deal with anything cutesy. Great article! steph